Is It Normal to Hate Being a Mum Sometimes?

By Angry Mummy · 8 min read

If you've ever sat on the bathroom floor thinking I can't do this anymore and then felt sick with guilt for thinking it, you are in very good company.

Let's say the quiet thing out loud: sometimes you hate it. Not them. It. The relentlessness, the noise, the never being off the clock, the way your whole self seems to have been swallowed by snacks and sippy cups and someone else's bedtime. And then, right on cue, the guilt arrives to tell you what a terrible person you must be for thinking it.

You're not a terrible person. You're a depleted one.

Why so many mums feel this

Hating the role in a given moment is almost never about your children. It's about the conditions you're mothering in. The usual suspects:

• Being touched out from the constant physical contact, with no break, ever.
• Carrying the entire mental load while everyone else just lives in the house.
• Running on no sleep, no time alone, and no margin.
• Grieving the version of yourself who existed before, which is real and rarely talked about.

Put anyone in those conditions for long enough and they'd feel it too. The feeling is information, not a character flaw.

Hating it isn't the same as not loving them

You can adore your children with your whole body and still find the job of raising them genuinely awful on a Tuesday at 5pm. Both things are true at once. Love and resentment live in the same house. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or has a night nanny.

What actually helps

• Stop arguing with the feeling. It's allowed to exist. Fighting it just adds shame on top.
• Find the one thing draining you most and get even a sliver of it off your plate.
• Say it out loud somewhere safe. Naming it takes the power out of it.
• Protect a small pocket of time that is yours by default, not earned.

When to reach for more

If the feeling is constant rather than occasional, or it comes with hopelessness, numbness, or thoughts that frighten you, please talk to your GP. Persistent versions of this can be tied to postnatal depression or burnout, and both are treatable. Asking for help is the most sensible thing a worn-out person can do.

Common questions

Is it normal to hate being a mum sometimes?

Yes, it is very normal. Most mothers feel it at some point and simply never say it out loud. Hating the role in a hard moment usually means you are depleted and unsupported, not that you love your children any less.

Does hating being a mum make me a bad mother?

No. You can love your children deeply and still find the job of raising them genuinely hard or miserable at times. The fact that you feel guilt about it is a sign you care, not a sign you are failing.

Why do I resent motherhood?

Resentment usually builds from the conditions, not the children: being touched out, carrying the whole mental load, no sleep, no time alone, and grieving your old identity. Put anyone in those conditions long enough and resentment is a normal response.

When should I get help for hating being a mum?

If the feeling is constant rather than occasional, or comes with hopelessness, numbness, or thoughts that frighten you, speak to your GP. It can be linked to postnatal depression or burnout, both of which are treatable.